Where the hell have you been, loca?

Hi hi!

I think it's more than appropriate to start my first blog post with a quote from "Twilight", since it's the reason this whole thing started (lol I know).

But before I tell you how it all started, let me tell you that deciding to share this whole journey with you is something very new to me. If you know me, you know I'm quite private on socials, I keep my accomplishments quiet until I'm done with them, I keep the good and the bad things to myself until they're in the past, and only then am I comfortable to share them.

It's a character flaw. And I know I need to change because writing a book can't happen all by myself. I have had to rely on friends more in the past year than ever before. Not only because of private life happenings but also because of this book. This story wouldn't be half as good if it wasn't for the people surrounding me who have been reading it since I wrote the first chapter and have told me everything they liked about it and everything that wasn't that good.

And to put this book out there, I need to get out of my comfort zone. I am aware that I need to put myself out there and get serious about this because I do want this to be my career. Hopefully a long one. And to do that, I need you. I need a community, I need people to like what I write, and for people to do that... They have to see it! They have to know I exist, that the book exists, that this story exists.

So, I'm putting myself out there. No more keeping this secret. It's out there: I'm writing a book and it's incredibly difficult and an enormous challenge, and it would be amazing if you could support me through it in any way you can! A comment, a like, a share; all of that helps. Truly.

Now, onto what you're really here for: the embarrassing story of how this all started.

Just like any emo teenage girl in the 2000's, I started my writing journey with a fanfic. Obviously, I used to write before that and my Portuguese teachers used to tell me I was a good writer, but I didn't take it seriously until I started creating my own full stories that ran for thousands of thousands of words. Yep, I think the first fanfic I wrote was up to 200,000 words. And yes, the plot was all over the place and the writing wasn't any good, but I was pretty funny and people liked reading it, so there's that.

Writing my fanfics during my teenage years wasn't what taught me how to write, though. What it taught me was discipline. Every night I would get on Skype with friends who also used to write, and we would spend a couple of hours writing the chapter for that day. Then, we would post them almost instantly and get feedback from our lovely readers within a day. (Now that I'm thinking about it, this might be the reason why I'm struggling a little bit with waiting for the feedback from my beta readers... I was spoiled back then by fanfic readers!)

I never finished any of my fanfics. Never. By the time I got bored with the plot (it grew convoluted, with too many characters, too many changes in love interests, too much everything) because I didn't know how to fix what was already published, I just moved on to the next story, to something different. It was only when I was writing my fifth or sixth story that I wrote an outline and divided it by chapter before I actually wrote the first chapter. That was the first big learning lesson I took from my time as a fanfic writer.

However, when I finished writing the first draft of this book I've been writing, I felt something I had never felt before. I felt a sense of accomplishment that was hard to describe. I had done what I had never been able to: finish a story of thousands of thousands of words. My first draft was around 120,000 words and it had a beginning, middle, and end! Of course, it needed severe editing and polishing, but I had done it! I don't think I would have been able to write such a complex book, full of complex characters, gritty romance, a magic system that started from one blade, and such paranoid politics that they intimidated me to write them if it wasn't for all the experience I gained with writing shitty little fanfics that went nowhere.

After that, moving to Toronto to go to Film School helped shape my writing into something better. Film School was incredible in many things: it taught me about story structure, to look for inspiration in everything around me, to learn from all art, it taught me how important themes are to a story (who would have known!) and, above all, it taught me about feedback and critique, it taught me to critique the work of others and my own. Unfortunately, this was something Film School wasn't as incredible in (or maybe the problem was my own growing self-doubt): being surrounded by people who had such belief that they were great writers and constantly critiquing and over-analyzing my work led me on a path of dwindling my light and believing that I could never be as good as my colleagues. Did any of them tell me that? Nope! Did anyone ever tell me my writing was absolute shit and I should quit? Nope! Did I tell myself that until I believed it? Yep!

So I gave up writing and decided to produce instead. Don't get me wrong, I love producing. It's a skill that is invaluable and is helping me right now as I have to be my own producer/agent/manager. In so many ways, Film School was a step back for me as well as a step forward. But I can't be sad about it, because I think I needed to doubt myself. So that later on, I would believe in myself so thoroughly that I would decide to write a whole freaking trilogy.

After working in the film industry for a couple of years, I decided to move back home. It wasn't something I had planned (I only intended on coming back to Portugal when I retired), but life happens and plans change. And I'm proud of making that hard decision, of knowing that I was leaving a very profitable industry for the possibility of never working in it again. In a way, I don't think I would have written this book if I had stayed. And I definitely wouldn't be married and own a home at 29 lol

That meant I had to change careers, so I transferred my skills into Marketing. Overall, it was an easy enough transition and I was happy I could still apply my Film skills to the job. I created several awesome videos at that job, and some of them I'm really proud of. But above all, what that job did for me was that it taught me to adapt, and to push my writing out of my comfort zone. I had never written corporate copy before, I had never copy-written for events, and I had never written extremely technical blog posts or website content for an extremely niche audience. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. But there was something my boss told me once on a one-on-one meeting that marked me: "You are an excellent copywriter".

That statement shook me a little. I hadn't looked at what I was doing as writing, even if it was copywriting. And what that moment did is that it gave me confidence. It rid me of my self-doubt in terms of my writing. I went home that day and I dug up a bunch of old stories I had written in the previous decade and I thought to myself "Why the hell did I think this was trash?"

Over time, the more I worked at that job, the more enjoyment I took out of the writing part of it. The more I daydreamed of writing my old stories again. The more I wished I was writing instead of creating another release video for a new product. That job showed me what I truly wanted to do, where my heart truly belonged, and what I couldn't deny anymore. I missed writing, I loved writing, and I wanted to write all day, every day.

I left that job last year for a variety of reasons, after having spent a whole year writing the outline for a trilogy that I came up with while playing Minecraft Dungeons lol

For a whole year, while I was still working, I would spend weekends creating characters, coming up with plot points for the three books, and creating a magic system that excited me and felt fresh to me. I would talk with my colleagues at lunchtime about my dream of writing this book, of making a career of this, and they would incentivize me to do it. For that, I am deeply grateful forever to Marco, Mariana, Ashley and Joao. You gave me the power to imagine, and the strength to follow through on it.

Now, after all this, what actually taught me to write? I must say, reading. I read a lot (not as much as I would like though), and I absolutely love getting pulled into a new world and getting engrossed by new characters and learning about new magic systems. I always did. I always will. And nothing has taught me more about writing than reading the work of incredible authors who share their brain-children with us and make us feel alive. And this is also why I want to share my favorite books with you here on Patreon. I find extreme value in sharing these stories, these experiences, these characters with you. It's how we learn to empathize. It's how we learn about the world. It's how we time travel.

My wish for this blog is to get to bond with you. I want to share my thoughts with you, my passion, my time. And, if you're interested in hearing what I have to say, all I have left to write is thank you. Thank you for reading this. And thank you for your support. It is truly invaluable.

Yours,
Iolo